Waking up and gripping the side of the mattress with both hands
"I'm sober?" and thinking for a second "Yeah, well...
slowly recalling that I'm sober,
for like SIX MONTHS now.
Such a luxury to just lie in bed for a silent minute,
without the taste of acetate,
without the dull grind of a hangover headache,
without the urgency to jump up and piss out all that urine first thing in the morning.
The simple honesty of being alcohol free, knowing I will never let myself
down again, because I don't drink anymore.
The simple honesty of being able to talk to people who are
drinking beer and say without blinking that I have had my life's share of alcohol.
The simple honesty of not hiding alcohol, or making excuses for buying it, or stopping off at places to drink.
The simple honesty of simple honest living - playing with the kids, feeding the chickens, going to the library.
It is such a relief to be going in the right direction, one simple, honest day at a time.
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the opposite direction.
"I'm sober?" and thinking for a second "Yeah, well...
slowly recalling that I'm sober,
for like SIX MONTHS now.
Such a luxury to just lie in bed for a silent minute,
without the taste of acetate,
without the dull grind of a hangover headache,
without the urgency to jump up and piss out all that urine first thing in the morning.
The simple honesty of being alcohol free, knowing I will never let myself
down again, because I don't drink anymore.
The simple honesty of being able to talk to people who are
drinking beer and say without blinking that I have had my life's share of alcohol.
The simple honesty of not hiding alcohol, or making excuses for buying it, or stopping off at places to drink.
The simple honesty of simple honest living - playing with the kids, feeding the chickens, going to the library.
It is such a relief to be going in the right direction, one simple, honest day at a time.
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the opposite direction.
(Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
the quiet treasures of sobriety...
ReplyDeletei hear you and i nod my assent
congrats on 6 months :)
There were many days in early sobriety that I woke up absolutely certain that I was still drunk or hungover. It had become such a pattern that I knew of no other way to wake up. Wake up SOBER? Seriously?
ReplyDeleteAnd, like you, I hold still in that early morning, just savoring the soberness of it all. Because it really is such a gift.
Yes. When I told my brother I was an alcoholic (on my one year anniversary) he said: "Life sure is a lot simpler, isn't it?" A man of few wise words, that one. I'm so happy for you.
ReplyDeleteI adored your quote on Edenland...and I enjoyed reading your blog as well! I would hope sobriety suits you so that you continue it.
ReplyDeleteThis just makes me smile. Well done.
ReplyDeleteYeah I love that waking up guilt free and without that awful first trip to the loo. But I have to say I love climbing into bed each night sober even more. And I love that line of yours re having had a lifes share of alcohol already. I might borrow that one if you don't mind. xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the journey with me - is awesome to get some positive feedback.
ReplyDeleteJust wait until you've got six years... Waking up sober will come even more natural for you. :)
ReplyDeleteWe get into the program not just because we drank, but to figure out how to live. Right.
That Bonhoeffer quote blows me away.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on six months.
simply beautiful! simple and honest beats drinking any day of the week...
ReplyDeleteMary LA - Isn't it a powerful analogy? I remember smoking and getting drunk then heading to the gym first thing next morning... just like running up the train in the wrong direction...
ReplyDelete46 days sober today, and a whole lot of years trying to get there. I wake up these days with a smile and a "Thank You" on my lips. Beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteGood blog post (and good blog!)
ReplyDelete"The simple honesty of simple honest living -...such a relief to be going in the right direction, one simple, honest day at a time."
It is wonderful if/when one can fully appreciate what you have mentioned here. Many of us (past or current alcohol abusers) are used to, familiar with drama and life being unnecessarily harder (either by one's own drinking or some external circumstance). I had a serious problem with drinking in my teenage years, and I'm glad time has passed and for being influenced by the Holy Spirit instead of wine.
Your sobriety is celebrated.
Years ago I used to abuse LSD while pretty heavily depressed. As you can imagine I ended up in quite some states. What I still vividly recall is that years later I'd stop myself at mid-points of the day, thinking, "I'm glad I'm not tripping" and you sound like you're doing that with booze. Ukky stuff. I fell out of love with the image as I fell out of love with the drink. My main problem was heroin so it's opiates I cannot use at all but I barely drink now either. And I do not miss it at all!
ReplyDeleteKeep fighting the good fight.
ReplyDelete