My wife's grandmother turned 80 on the weekend. Betty is a beautiful, resilient woman who is still a vibrant, contributing member of the family. We had a simple spit roast without any gourmet touches, as per Betty's instructions, as she isn't fond of 'fancy food'.
Most people were drinking and Betty made a point of sharing that I have gone past six months without alcohol. Betty's dead husband was alcoholic, so she still looks at me warily as though she can imagine what I am capable of. It is a cold reminder of what I am moving away from.
Last time we had a get together, of course I was drunk and it seems I was singing(?) Betty fancies herself as a singer, always has through her life. After Betty's 82 year old sister finished her harmonica recital (!! - I had tears in my eyes when she said she had to play before she ate otherwise food would get caught it the harmonica) - Betty invited me to sing as well. "Come on, there's only a few of us who sing, let's show them" Betty said conspiratorially.
And I couldn't remember if I could sing or if I had with Betty before. But obviously I had, when I was obviously drunk. Like that time in Ireland when I got up to sing in front of the whole wedding party and sort of just fell over, a drunken mute. Without the alcohol I was frigid and I said something about not singing today. Another sad example of being so drunk I can't remember even singing with my great grandmother...
Betty sang Sinatra's 'My Way', and we all clapped and everyone kept drinking and I was occupied taking photos and cooking the spit roast. So the urge to drink wasn't there, but the memory, or maybe the imagined memory of me last time I saw 80 year old Betty, singing, was enough to keep me focused.
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| The Harmonica Recital before Luncheon! |
Most people were drinking and Betty made a point of sharing that I have gone past six months without alcohol. Betty's dead husband was alcoholic, so she still looks at me warily as though she can imagine what I am capable of. It is a cold reminder of what I am moving away from.
Last time we had a get together, of course I was drunk and it seems I was singing(?) Betty fancies herself as a singer, always has through her life. After Betty's 82 year old sister finished her harmonica recital (!! - I had tears in my eyes when she said she had to play before she ate otherwise food would get caught it the harmonica) - Betty invited me to sing as well. "Come on, there's only a few of us who sing, let's show them" Betty said conspiratorially.
And I couldn't remember if I could sing or if I had with Betty before. But obviously I had, when I was obviously drunk. Like that time in Ireland when I got up to sing in front of the whole wedding party and sort of just fell over, a drunken mute. Without the alcohol I was frigid and I said something about not singing today. Another sad example of being so drunk I can't remember even singing with my great grandmother...
Betty sang Sinatra's 'My Way', and we all clapped and everyone kept drinking and I was occupied taking photos and cooking the spit roast. So the urge to drink wasn't there, but the memory, or maybe the imagined memory of me last time I saw 80 year old Betty, singing, was enough to keep me focused.
hi.
ReplyDeletei had a really intense self-consciousness when i got sober. still have i guess, though i avoid it by never going near social situations really ;)
i find it hard to believe i used to sing and dance and all that jazz...now it is like i am paralysed by the mere thought of it.
i got my first camera after getting sober, so your end comment about being preoccupied taking photos really resonates! I guess it's my way of being present and yet not really being truly *there*. I can distance myself. Geez, this all sounds pretty unhealthy psychologically ahhahaa!
Betty sounds like a fabulous woman, here's to many more birthdays :)
Oh, child, the picture of 'ol gal playing the Harmonica. Priceless. I want to be a fraction of that cool when I'm her age.
ReplyDeleteWell done on the sober (for you) get together. Family events are my triggers. You did good.
It all sounds better now.
ReplyDelete