This is the first birthday I have had since escaping alcohol, and I'm stripped bare of all that hostility and anger and arrogant bravado that went with it. Instead there is a kind of quiet optimism that I am finally functioning on some normal level. There's a dream montage with the lights coming on after the party, and I'm standing alone in the smoky room, with empty bottles knee deep around me.
With this clarity and calm there's no better time to make some decisions and choices for the next three years leading up to turning forty. So I'll start another list. But first some thoughts on how I will get to the list.
1. Healthy. Basically I'm still a fat bastard so there is plenty of room for improvement. Maybe I should jump on the triathlon bandwagon - after I get sorted out and can actually finish one. So here's for starting a plan and sticking to it. Here's two embarrassing confessions - I eat fucking biscuits and I don't eat fruit. That has to change today.
2. Wealthy. Being drunk all the time I made some
3. Wise. As a know-it-all drunk I made a great course dropout. So I will re-kindle the life-long learning thing. Will start small with a photography course.
4. Career. I have a job, and a mortgage to pay, so that will be steady for a bit longer. But I want to explore online writing further as that is where I would like to be in three years. So I need a plan to get there. Any ideas?
Happy Birthday Bwendo :) I hope you have many more sober ones :) Its a journey you know and it never really ends, so just keep trudging the happy road as they say :)
ReplyDeleteCheers Bill, good to hear from you! Think it is time to change my "Cheers" saying too - is a bit misleading isn't it?
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the online writing thing - but I don't really have a clue where to begin - I have no plan - completely ad hoc. So if you come up with a plan let me know.
Thanks Marcie, Will keep you posted with the progress. At them moment is about quality content and regular output.
ReplyDeleteHi Bwendo,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations and may you count many more in the company of family and friends.
You should eat lots of soup.
We eat lots of soup here in Portugal :-)
Take care,
José
P.S. and don't forget to thank your wife everyday for her support.
Thanks Jose, it is often left unsaid that my wife is my rock, so yeah,l I guess I should thank her more often.
ReplyDeleteYou write well - it's engaging - although I am not sure if that is me and the subkect of alcoholism, or your style - both, I suspect.
ReplyDeleteMy mother is an alcoholic. So many of your thought patterns that you have articulated in your writing resonate with how I suspect she thinks and feels.
So your blog posts help me understand her.
I am, sadly, now, her enabler. She is a 65 year old woman who looks 105. She no longer leaves the house, and just sits and smokes and drinks all day until her body rejects it all every night. I replace the stocks of alcohol and cigarettes each morning as I clean up her shit. Literally.
By stopping, by taking on the intervention, by your choices, you are avoiding this disgusting image and reality of an aged drunk. Your blog is full of hope at the moment - gather than momentum and make that optimism your life.
Thanks Lissie's daughter. It is a sad fact that ageing alcoholics start their drinking day at earlier and earlier times as they get older.
ReplyDeleteI was starting on red wine before 11am some days, so was well and truly near the nadir in my early 30's.
Seeing my little girls with fear in their eyes, uncertain if I was drunk or sober, was chilling. It stung me sober, and keeps me there.