Yesterday I drank four bottles of water between lunch and dinner. Sure, I was thirsty but then I got that 'full of liquid' feeling and started pissing crystal clear. So I refilled the water bottle and drank it empty again, even though I was full.
Funny how a full feeling in my bladder has such strong associations with relaxation and partying and, well, just being a drunk bastard. I can walk you around every place I have lived and show you the spots where I used to piss when I was drinking.
Just standing there, hanging out in the wind, sometimes no hands so it would look like I was not pissing but in fact looking at something, or about to pick something up. And if you walked past you would probably guess that I was drunk again and pissing next to the bamboo, but I wouldn't think that you would've known, so to me it never happened.
"See, no hands, just um, stretching or rolling my shoulders. Or about to walk over there and - um, do something." I would lie to myself.
Before I could move on I would have to bend down and pick up my glass of wine or bottle of beer from the ground. Other times I would be so drunk I would just walk off and leave the drink there - to be found days later with a dead insect lolling in the liquid. I never drank it after a few days, it was gross... (Except for one time, and I gagged on the cockroach or whatever it was and was hacking out a terrible cough of spittle and mucous and bits of arthropod.) And besides, I'm sure the alcohol had evaporated or something, so yeah, I never drank 'garden wine' again.
And then, when I was drinking wine straight from the bottle, I would place the empty delicately against a tree trunk or nestle it in a shrub so as not to make that giveaway tinkling sound. And you would never know. Except that I did the double step stagger at the top of the path and you would blink to confirm you just saw me nearly fall over at just past eleven on a Saturday morning.
So drinking water is now a flushing pleasure, imagining all the toxins and salts dissolving and taking with away the anger and heat of yesterday. I still have a love of liquids and the mouthfeel of wetness and moisture, not sweet or cold or hot, just liquids in general. That's why I put the image of the fire - it is quenched by water, fuelled by alcohol.
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| Fire and Heat and Anger and Alcohol |
Just standing there, hanging out in the wind, sometimes no hands so it would look like I was not pissing but in fact looking at something, or about to pick something up. And if you walked past you would probably guess that I was drunk again and pissing next to the bamboo, but I wouldn't think that you would've known, so to me it never happened.
"See, no hands, just um, stretching or rolling my shoulders. Or about to walk over there and - um, do something." I would lie to myself.
Before I could move on I would have to bend down and pick up my glass of wine or bottle of beer from the ground. Other times I would be so drunk I would just walk off and leave the drink there - to be found days later with a dead insect lolling in the liquid. I never drank it after a few days, it was gross... (Except for one time, and I gagged on the cockroach or whatever it was and was hacking out a terrible cough of spittle and mucous and bits of arthropod.) And besides, I'm sure the alcohol had evaporated or something, so yeah, I never drank 'garden wine' again.
And then, when I was drinking wine straight from the bottle, I would place the empty delicately against a tree trunk or nestle it in a shrub so as not to make that giveaway tinkling sound. And you would never know. Except that I did the double step stagger at the top of the path and you would blink to confirm you just saw me nearly fall over at just past eleven on a Saturday morning.
So drinking water is now a flushing pleasure, imagining all the toxins and salts dissolving and taking with away the anger and heat of yesterday. I still have a love of liquids and the mouthfeel of wetness and moisture, not sweet or cold or hot, just liquids in general. That's why I put the image of the fire - it is quenched by water, fuelled by alcohol.
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