The F Word

I got so angry my legs were shaking.  I was trembling and my breathing was shallow.

I knew that things could go either way - depending on the next move I made - or how I reacted to the next move he made.

I hadn't paid the water bill.  I'm a start up entrepreneur and shit like this happens - you overlook a bill, you miss a payment - whatever - I've got a passionate story here that's unfolding and nothing like a water bill's gonna derail my progress.

I was standing on the front grass outside my house - 9.05am, Tuesday morning - a tech guy from the Water Company with tools in hand, ready to disconnect my water supply.

(By the way - I don't care a fuck what you think either - it's part of being in business having to prioritize which bill gets the first slice of the cash flow - maybe that's why you're still stuck in your nine to five?  You have to be willing to pay the price - and this day, the price was having my water disconnected.)

Me, wound and ready to pounce.  He wasn't turning the water off and leaving me to spend the next few hours waiting on hold to helplines and making payment and then waiting for him to come back to reconnect the water.  Not happening.  Forget paying a $189 re-connection fee.  No way.  It just wasn't happening.

So here's the snapshot; Me, fresh back from yoga, standing opposite some tech droid from the utility company.  Blood pumping.  One of those awkward silences.

I had to make a choice.  How far was I prepared to go?  What if he insisted?  What would I do?


I've worked damn hard on forgiveness - it is the first traffic sign that rolls up on my horizon when I close my eyes to meditate.

Forgiveness is a challenge - a daily workout I submit to in order to be clear and fresh for the rest of the day.

I can see the three people I am working on forgiving right now, and I actively go to them in my meditation and offer them forgiveness.

I am sorry it happened - and they are recruited into my forgiveness.

I have the choice and the power and the abundant generosity to offer my forgiveness - and there is no way they can defer or resist or reject it.

The power, control and act of giving is all mine - I forgive them.

Forgiveness is like feeding the chickens - you spread it out by flicking your wrist and releasing your hand - and they peck it up around your feet.

Forgiveness is an act of control, and of letting go, of power and leadership - it is placing a lid on the hurt and shame and vulnerability and letting it go.

I forgive you.  It is mine and I have owned it.  You have nothing to do except feel my forgiveness wash over you like cool water.

Forgiven.  The f word is forgiveness.


"Hey man, It's just my job - once the connection is cut I'll go - I'm just doing my job -"

Whenever someone says "I'm just doing my job" I immediately think of a Nazi concentration camp guard, standing at the door to the gas chamber and the kilns.

He's a slack jawed youth, happy to have his first paid gig, ushering families and the frail into the gas chamber to be gassed and then burnt at 800 degrees.

That's what he would say "Hey man, I'm  just doing my job - come through - take your time..." and he'd help close the heavy doors and move onto the next gas chamber.  Hundreds and hundreds of shivering people, day after day.  Just doing his job indeed!

Don't ever just do your job...


On a lighter note > I've released a new video - full of my passion and energy and my unique take on being a recovery warrior and working through sobriety!

Here is the link if the video isn't showing.

Right now, I am writing a self help alcohol course - it's not re-inventing the wheel - it's not challenging the established dogma of any method (heaven forbid!!) - it is simply a unique and fresh way to approach sobriety without being too heavy and sombre about it (this from a guy who refers to concentration camps in his blog - what the?)

Anyway - it's fun and engaging and well worth your time - no matter what stage of the cycle you are at - but especially if you have been flirting with ending your drinking for a while longer than you anticipated.

As always, come and join me on Twitter or like my author page on Facebook.

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