Had a four o'clock with my GP today and went in and said everything was going fine, 120 odd days since I last drank. I sat forward in the chair and said I was quite confident I wouldn't drink again, and that with all the spare time on my hands I was looking at going back to school. Then I mentioned the federal government incentive of five free pyschology visits with a referral from a GP, and asked if I could get a referral for a life coach slash career counselling sessions. He wasn't impressed and suggested I ought to focus on what had me drinking before I went into life coaching or anything like that. I emerged from the appointment feeling deflated and flat.
"The government incentive isn't there for everyone to go and get sessions for trivial things - it's about getting assistance with acute metal illness in regional Australia, they've had to adjust the benefit because so many Eastern Suburbs mums were abusing it for therapy." I nodded, and looked down at my hands, "So I can refer you for your alcohol issues, but not for career guidance"
I felt as though I was pressuring him for some morphine or something - it was really embarrassing to be chided for 'trying to exploit a loophole' as he put it. I wasn't exploiting anything - I was just being honest and saying what I was at the appointment for. So, access denied...
Thing is, I've been thinking a lot and am seeing my frustrations are coming out because I have so much free time and it is not put to best use. And it is further frustrating when I feel I am so far behind after having been drinking for so long. So it's a game of catch up, and I want have some pretty high expectations and I am ready to commit 100% to get a result. And I thought some positive guidance and support would be as effective as sitting down and nattering on about all the crap from growing up and shit...
I am sort of seeking a life coach, to help with some suggestions and tips on making a career transition (moving from small business to self employed tradesman) and it is all helpful considering I haven't got a mentor or anything approaching that in my life. So why can't I outsource it?
For how long do I have to douse myself in this alcoholic crap without trying to actively get started on something positive and new? I admit and accept I am alcoholic, but like a survivor of sex abuse said, I am not going to let this episode colour my whole life.
So have five appointments lined up for a psychologist to discuss my alcoholism slash career change. But I so desperately cannot see myself blathering on about parents or childhood or adolescence... Fuck, I want to let all that shit slide - forgive and forget and buried forever.
So here goes for the next leg of the journey. I am just realising how much of an advocate I have to be for me on this process. I remember the same GP wouldn't prescribe me champix to give up cigarettes - so I got the script from another GP and gave up (four years ago now). But he resisted and I proved his reluctance wrong. It is tiring though having to go around him, thinking he is some kind of roadblock to my progress. But I guess I am open to forgiving him for that...
"The government incentive isn't there for everyone to go and get sessions for trivial things - it's about getting assistance with acute metal illness in regional Australia, they've had to adjust the benefit because so many Eastern Suburbs mums were abusing it for therapy." I nodded, and looked down at my hands, "So I can refer you for your alcohol issues, but not for career guidance"
I felt as though I was pressuring him for some morphine or something - it was really embarrassing to be chided for 'trying to exploit a loophole' as he put it. I wasn't exploiting anything - I was just being honest and saying what I was at the appointment for. So, access denied...
Thing is, I've been thinking a lot and am seeing my frustrations are coming out because I have so much free time and it is not put to best use. And it is further frustrating when I feel I am so far behind after having been drinking for so long. So it's a game of catch up, and I want have some pretty high expectations and I am ready to commit 100% to get a result. And I thought some positive guidance and support would be as effective as sitting down and nattering on about all the crap from growing up and shit...
I am sort of seeking a life coach, to help with some suggestions and tips on making a career transition (moving from small business to self employed tradesman) and it is all helpful considering I haven't got a mentor or anything approaching that in my life. So why can't I outsource it?
For how long do I have to douse myself in this alcoholic crap without trying to actively get started on something positive and new? I admit and accept I am alcoholic, but like a survivor of sex abuse said, I am not going to let this episode colour my whole life.
So have five appointments lined up for a psychologist to discuss my alcoholism slash career change. But I so desperately cannot see myself blathering on about parents or childhood or adolescence... Fuck, I want to let all that shit slide - forgive and forget and buried forever.
Reflect on the benefits of a loving heart. [Buddhist texts say]: Your dreams become sweeter, you waken more easily, men and women will love you, angels and devils will love you. If you lose things they will be returned. People will welcome you everywhere when you are forgiving and loving. Your thoughts become pleasant. Animals will sense this and love you. Elephants will kneel as you go by—try it at the zoo!
Forgiveness involves perspective. We are in this drama in life that is so much bigger than our ‘little stories.’ When we can open this perspective, we see it is not just your hurt, but the hurt of humanity. Everyone who loves is hurt in some way. Everyone who enters the marketplace gets betrayed. The loss is not just your pain, it is the pain of being alive. Then you feel connected to everyone in this vastness.
So here goes for the next leg of the journey. I am just realising how much of an advocate I have to be for me on this process. I remember the same GP wouldn't prescribe me champix to give up cigarettes - so I got the script from another GP and gave up (four years ago now). But he resisted and I proved his reluctance wrong. It is tiring though having to go around him, thinking he is some kind of roadblock to my progress. But I guess I am open to forgiving him for that...
I'm sorry you have had this experience. I went to a counsellor through a free council drug & alcohol service and was very skeptical. However, he turned out to be the best counsellor I've ever had and now acts like more of a mentor/life coach. You know what you need - I hope you find it.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, change your GP. He sounds like he is going "by the book" for all the wrong reasons.
ReplyDeleteAnd no matter what official reason he refers you to a counceller/phychologist for, take the referral anyway.
You can use those sessions for whatever you want. You call the shots in those meetings.
(I had 12 visists for antenatal depression. That fixed my emotional eating issues. Go figure. No longer miserable, no longer fat. Result.)
Through Medicare, if your mental health practitioner feels it is warranted, you can get a subsequent 6 visits.
Good luck.
@ MATA - Yeah it is always intimidating going into the 'high priest of medicine' to beg for his opinion. I am going to go on with the psych appointment and just try to lead the discussion towards where I am needing some direction, not just turn up and say I'm alcoholic, what do you suggest. By being active and pursuing a certain direction with the therapy it should be even more effective.
ReplyDelete@ Lucy - Good advice, I am going to lead the discussion too. I have some underlying issues but the main source of angst and uncertainty is my mid life career change miasma at the moment.