Sober on The Radio

"because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me,"

Fifteen seconds of airtime. That's all I got after all the planning. Barely enough to mention the business name and product. But it was enough to have me anxious at times over the weekend, wondering what to say.

This morning I was booked for a short grab on local radio to promote my business, and after a restless night on the lounge, woke up at 3am still ruminating on what to say.

When the DJ called sure enough I mentioned the product and some key features and the business name, and the host was gracious and complimentary and as soon as it started it was all over. Phew - and there I was standing outside with beads of sweat on my brow - all worked up about fifteen seconds - almost famous embarrassing.

So I went off whistling to the warehouse.  Then, whilst listening to the ABC Newcastle in my van, they played a half-second sound grab from a song and challenged the listeners to identify which song it was.  I knew straight away - it was Wonderwall by Oasis.

. 

Still high on the endorphin rush of live radio (!!) I made the decision to call and put my answer to the producer - who put me on hold and before I knew it I was talking live on air.

"So we have Brendan here from M, and he thinks he can identify the song from the half second sound clue"

And I put it to her and she confirmed i was correct.  Flushed with confidence, I began to talk a little.

"So are you a big fan of Oasis?" She asked.

"Yeah, well, I have the Oasis CD in my van and I have been playing it a little too often lately I guess - It is an anthem of mine you could say."

There was a split second of silence, so I took the opportunity.

"And since I stopped drinking alcohol on the 20th April, the words are a sort of a mantra of mine - not to be too sentimental and just get on with it"

"And not drinking on Friday and Saturday nights?"

"Yeah, I avoided some situations early on, but getting up fresh and calm on the weekend is such a change to be tired and hungover all the time."

"So you were drinking pretty heavily then?"

"Yeah, they say I was drinking for Australia, and now I'm clear headed, less angry, more patient, I'd recommend it to anyone who's listening - not to be too evangelical about it - but not drinking makes such a difference."

Then the host ended the conversation and I was back standing there, with a couple of beads of sweat on my brow.  Two radio gigs in one day - in one HOUR!  What a media whore!
In the following minutes two other listeners called in and gave messages of support and congratulation to Brendan from M.

So there was a delicious irony in that the seemingly inconsequential fifteen second business grab had me anxious whilst the far more personal and  honest interaction was spontaneous and natural.  It was an awesome high to admit I was confronting my alcohol issue with whoever was listening and at the same time not really care what they thought anyway. 

This is another incredible paradox of being a recovering alcoholic - at once the shame and indignity of conceding I cannot control and am powerless to alcohol BUT also, at the same time I have the self knowledge, awareness and strength to just not have it.  So the first part is the bit that the neighbors whisper about, and the other parents at school meetings tut tut about, but the second part is the where the pride and strength comes in, and that is far removed from being a slurring, stumbling drunk.

And back to Wonderwall, by Oasis.  The brothers famously had their experiences with drink played out in front of the media.  The poem is a masterpiece of indulgent reflection and of almost mournful pleading with an unnamed other about shared experiences, words left unsaid, and opportunities lost. It is reaching out to an idea of perfection with hope, but knowing that you have no control over what the result is - whether the other will accept it or not.  Vulnerability.

For me, Wonderwall holds a beautiful naivete in that maybe, just maybe, the 'unknown other' might just want to help, and in that glimmer of hope the singer, might be saved from himself.  In reference to the alcoholic - that unnamed other is sober you, and the pleading, hopeful one is drunk you.  When you are living the spiral of drunk/hungover/irritable/drunk/hungover/irritable you are wishing for your sober wonderwall self to pull you out - and only you can pull yourself out.  (I hope this isn't degenerating into much psychobabble)

"there are many things
that i would like to say to you
but i don't know how"