Ten Weeks Sober Today!
Since I made the decision and committed to sobriety, sitting here at ten weeks I feel pretty confident that I will not be drinking again in my lifetime. If that sounds a little arrogant and complacent, I'll just say "I do not function effectively when alcohol is a part of my life" so I can't drink. But the truth is I can finish a days work and drive past a liquor store and think "I could drink three bottles of wine and get smashed just like that, right now, tonight" But I don't. Knowing that prison of being trapped and drunk all the time. And ruining my burgeoning sober days count (70 is such a source of pride for me!)
I have revealed to people at work or in business that "I do not drink." This is a little step for me, people I would otherwise talk about drinking in a positive, "Yeah, I know wine" manner I now talk to in terms of "I don't drink" and "It's amazing how good you will feel." I said it like that instead of saying "I'm an alcoholic" or "I can't drink" as I know the shame and status issues that go with being other of those tags.
I've switched from selling wines to warning signs of alcohol, and how it is basically poison dressed up with French phrases, some half baked crap about "tastes of avocado and burnt boysenberries" and bottled. I am aware of the ex-smoker syndrome, so I don't go overboard, but I am passionate.
Never drinking again in my life. That is a big statement, but I have so much other shit I want to do other than be mourning my life away drunk. I can't wish back the times I had beautiful days or opportunities to do things and I chose to go and buy alcohol and sit around and drink it. Such a shame, such a waste.
In going ten weeks sober I have been through my birthday and a few nights out so have been able to test my resolve and more importantly demonstrate my resolve to people close to me. Also, I have revealed this blog to a couple of people and let them in on my innermost thoughts and ramblings so that has been a revelation as well. There is nothing so brave as revealing a blog filled with personal feelings and sometimes embarrassing anecdotes. Letting someone pick through my blogposts and share what they know of me with what I reveal here is very confronting. But I have done it and it is not the end of the world. Please share your thoughts below.
well done bwendo. :)
ReplyDeletevery glad you have a new resolve. i find it is the staying stopped that is tricky, not so much the stopping. Its a cinch an inch but hard by the yard so i prefer to concentrate on smaller chunks of time than forever. too much of a big deal otherwise.
If you want to ask me anything feel free. I would be happy to explain ? whatever..
Good luck bwendo. You know there are many other people that would be happy for you to phone them and chat if you felt tempted to pick up the FIRST drink. Because thats the one that does he damage bwendo. Not the 7th. :(
I'm just saying the offers there. Why not try staying sober with some friends you know you can call if you are struggling? You don't have to do it all on your own you know. There is always the pub with no beer otherwise known as AA meetings if you want.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuDqHtAR6L8
U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
Cheers Bill, I have thought of the AA path but didn't want to turn up with just a few days sobriety.
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, I really do want to talk about it sometimes and it would be a good back up.
Bwendo I wanted to thank you for your comments on my blog. They are much appreciated. I find that though alcohol and drugs are not my addiction....I have my own issues with control, food, fear, etc. etc...living just for today has helped me so much to be able to manage the things that are big obstacles for me.
ReplyDeleteThanks Annette, is always good to keep the discussion going. Sure, alcohol is the addiction, but once I peel that away it exposes all the other layers of anxiety. I'm sure we all share these weaknesses and deal with them individually in our own ways.
ReplyDeleteAh thanks for the reply Bwendo. I wondered tho.. why is it that you didn't want to turn up with just a few days sobriety? Any particular reason? You don't have to answer if you don't want to btw.
ReplyDeleteAlso yes you're free to ask ? whatever on friendofbill@NOSPAMfastmail.fm if you want.. can be anyone really, whomever appeals to you, but keeping the lines of communication open is always a god idea. the alternative is to get 'stuck' all on your own.. I try very hard to ask others when I am stuck and see what feedback I get. doesnt mean I have to use it, but its good to know that all of my problems have cropped up many times for other people. ie its not just me suffering in this way. Give me a feeling of solidarity and support or something :)
Thanks for the offer Bill, it is good to know, I guess I should be open to it and take up your offer, who knows, it cannot hurt can it?
ReplyDeleteI just have alwasys been better able to share my thoughts in a typing or written way instead of saying it face to face. We'll see.
Congratulations on your accomplishment!! Yay you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHere's to another 10 weeks!!!!!
xxxx
When I started hanging around my facebook friends in real life I realised that talking about how I was like them as a teenager and now I don't drink did cast a shadow on me about whether I was an alcoholic. I always set myself up like that. I am far from an alcoholic, I just gave up what I did drink.
ReplyDeleteFUCKING YAR!!!!!
ReplyDeletewell done!
ReplyDeleteWill hit ten weeks this coming Thursday. Thank you for your writing and I hope everything is going well for you. Your words will stand for me as well. I know I am making it, I know I will be able to live quite well without alcohol now. I know I'm free.
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ReplyDelete