Assertive isn't Bad

Growing up, I was told assertiveness was aggressive, arrogant and simply intolerable.

And over time, as I grew up and shied away from confrontation, I blossomed into an alcoholic.

Now I appreciate assertiveness is an essential part of who I am.  Of who we all are.

When I don't address an issue as it arises it leads me to drink.

A sullen, vengeful drink to 'get back' at the person or matter or whatever.

Now, I appreciate the best approach is assertiveness,

Respectful, confident and not submissively complying simply for the sake of complying.

This week, we have a trifling matter with a neighbor about a fence.

Assertive isn't bad.

But I am not apologising for respectful confident and results oriented mediation.

Oh. And at times I am screaming for a drink.  Or a way to just get blown away ad fuck it all.

But I love my daughters and wife and you so nothing happens.

Nothing except this blog writing.  Stick with me...


  1. Every new post from you nowadays elicits a little gasp of happiness from me. So happy that you're back with us, so happy that you are trying once again to live the raw, real, emotional way that us former boozers live when we become sober. Assertive yes, but like you said to me so kindly in my early days..go gently, and strap in for the bumpy ride. We're all together here xxxx

  2. Never gonna let you go, guy!

    I'm the non-confrontational type too, although I'm the one most people push to the front of a crowd to do the confronting because the rest of them are too chickenshit to do it themselves. And I've glugged down many a drink before making "assertive" phone calls or having heartfelt difficult talks with the DH.

    It ain't easy doin' it naked, without our cloak of booze, but we can do it. We're that brave.

  3. Funny how a man who lives 10,000 miles away, almost as far as one human on earth can possibly be from another, can strike such a chord. I feel like some of your blog posts are stolen from my own life- amazing, and powerful really that this experience can be so universal. Good or bad please keep posting- I really hope to hear good from you though. Just know there are a lot of people struggling with the same thing myself included. I have never had the courage to do what you did and actually quit for any length of time but I am close to reaching out for help. Maybe it sounds a bit weird but you doing so well on your own then falling back is kind of an affirmation to me that I can't do this alone. Not trying to be critical at all I just see a lot of myself in your experiences and know that even if I could hold it together for awhile I would crash. Hopefully I can get some courage and make it to a meeting- I think I need it.

  4. "Oh. And at times I am screaming for a drink. Or a way to just get blown away ad fuck it all."

    it's so...exhausting sometimes, sobriety.
    I get so sick and tired of being so incessantly ME that I just want a break. But we are who we are and for me i just have to suck it up, pull up my big girl panties and get on with stuff, because, like you, other things are too damn important to me :)

    It's good to read you again my friend.


    1. I just wanted to say I love your response and can't agree more. Lisa

  5. P.S. A wine review site over there in your side bar?
    Ouch. :/

  6. I completely agree, a little assertiveness is a good thing.

  7. I will keep reading as long as you keep writing. So glad to see your name pop up in my reader. Every single time, I smile as I click your title. :o) Keep coming back.

  8. As a real estate agent, I know that the only way to resolve an issue with property lines is through attorneys (or other legal mediation) so you are doing it the healthy way! You go! No apologies.

    I'm stickin' with you!


  9. I love this idea that if we aren't a doormat the only other choice is asshole/bitch. (don't mean to be vulgar, but those are the best words) I think you captured this beautifully. We have choices and we get to learn about who we are as we step into a sober life. I'm still doing it, I don't think it ever ends. Really, enjoyed the post and all the comments. L

  10. Ever tried naltrexone? Its working quite well for me. It helps with cravings and is much milder than antabuse as far as i know.


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