I ran a red light going to buy alcohol the other morning. 8.15am. $396 fine.
I lost the little sensor bit in my key and my van is now idle until the replacement is sent. $389.
I found out my pregnant wife is carrying our third daughter.
Also, I have been so sick from drinking six bottles of wine every three days that I was curled in bed sweating, thinking that the world was about to end.
In the mail, a small package arrived. (On this blog I get plenty of emails and spam from all over the place - months ago I replied to what I half guessed was spam to an offer for a free review copy of Undrunk - A Skeptics Guide to AA). A book about being a recovering alcoholic.
I took it as a sign, along with the other signs my life was crumbling.
So I reset my sobriety counter and now I am on day four.
This time, I am open to AA and even more humble that I cannot drink alcohol. All my friends and family still think I have been sober even whilst I sneaked wine for the past eight months.
So, on the outside nothing has changed.
But on the inside I am open and humble to continue the journey and this time I will be sharing my growth with AA.
I lost the little sensor bit in my key and my van is now idle until the replacement is sent. $389.
I found out my pregnant wife is carrying our third daughter.
Also, I have been so sick from drinking six bottles of wine every three days that I was curled in bed sweating, thinking that the world was about to end.
In the mail, a small package arrived. (On this blog I get plenty of emails and spam from all over the place - months ago I replied to what I half guessed was spam to an offer for a free review copy of Undrunk - A Skeptics Guide to AA). A book about being a recovering alcoholic.
I took it as a sign, along with the other signs my life was crumbling.
So I reset my sobriety counter and now I am on day four.
This time, I am open to AA and even more humble that I cannot drink alcohol. All my friends and family still think I have been sober even whilst I sneaked wine for the past eight months.
So, on the outside nothing has changed.
But on the inside I am open and humble to continue the journey and this time I will be sharing my growth with AA.
Oh wow oh wow oh wow oh wow. Yay!!!!!!!! Yay for you!!!!! Yay for you you you you you you you you you. That's all I have to say. Oh and ITISSOFUCKINGGREATTOHAVEYOUBACK xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Mrs D, a true friend. One day at a time - just have to be super careful between 3pm and about 8pm.
DeleteDay 4 -- good for you!! Keep on, you can do it! And going to meetings helps a lot. I bookmarked your blog.
ReplyDeleteMeetings are for me very soon, just need to get a bit more level, about ten days I hope.
DeleteI've been thinking of you, friend. I'm glad you have decided to share this leg of your journey. Please don't give up. I got sober in AA. I owe to my life to God and the people in those rooms.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the Jilli Java site is shut down. Bookmark this one.
This is the very humbling - but we are here to share and that's what helps all of us the best...
DeleteYou always make me cry. I think it's your honesty and your raw perspective of where you are at in your recovery. I so appreciate it when you post....really. And another girl child....I have three girls also. I always said I wanted all boys. I wouldn't trade my amazing young women for anything in the world. God knew exactly what I needed, better than I did. Maybe you too? Blessings to you and your growing family.
ReplyDeleteNearly crying every time we are together - my girls and wife are all I have...
DeleteGreetings from New Jersey,
ReplyDeleteIt's day 18 for me and that included two consecutive weekends. I haven't done that in 20 years. I read your entire blog during the first few days and I can never repay you for the good that it did to me. When I saw that you stopped posting, I read all of Mrs. D like your blog recommended. Thank you both for your honesty. You are very cool people. Keep up the good work.
Lets keep helping each other and share the journey - its very awkward and lonely at times - and like I demonstrated, negative progress is only a few gulps away.
DeleteI want to help others and briefly share experiences about my new journey, yet I'm not ready to create a blog right now. Any suggestions on how I can share and help this online community while not taking over someone's blog with comments about me?
DeleteDay 25
Hi Anonymous -
Deletefirst, I would create some sort of identifiable avatar, so at least the community can connect with you when you reach out and see how you out and about on blogs, forums etc.
Second, I would suggest starting a blog - it's free, simple and there is only the pressure you put on yourself to maintain it. Go to blogger or wordpress and tool around for a while and think of a few keywords to describe yourself or your journey and see if they are available for a blog name. And you're off and running.
Third, just write. No one will read it anyway (who are we kidding here, it takes months or years to build a loyal readership...) and as you write and reveal you can create links back to your blog when you comment / visit other blogs or forums.
Fourth, be as honest as you can and maintain your anonymity as long as you feel comfortable. Even forever. Oh, and keep writing - it is the best release...
Thank you.
DeleteWhatever it takes, buddy, whatever it takes. Congratulations on Day 4, Congratulations on a new little girl for your life, Congratulations on having the balls to keep trying, because that's what it takes, whether your born with a set or not.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, life is gonna be good again real soon.
We have to keep tryig otherwise we will die from this progressive disease. It's very simple - sort of...
DeleteWell done for getting back on that wagon and for trying AA. I hope it works for you.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your third daughter too. My dad has 6 daughters so you're halfway there! :)
All the best to you on this new part of your life. I hope you keep us updated on how you're getting on.
Slowing getting sober is so different from quickly getting drunk. I hope I don't let myself and anyone I care for down again.
DeleteGlad to see you back and posting again, take care and go gently with yourself.
ReplyDeleteWow. That's some heavy stuff.
ReplyDeleteI read your bio, and I can totally relate. Drinking the half glasses of wine in the morning...having the innocent drink at lunch. Hiding, or maybe starting the addiction, through the lens of the creative, food/wine lover. Didn't Hemmingway say, "Write drunk, edit sober."? There are so many cues out there telling us it's OK, it's even great, to drink.
Last night, sober, making cookies with my kids, I truly noticed things about them that I hadn't before. My children, in the evening, were full of life. Usually that life is dulled through my drunk eyes, or maybe I just didn't notice it because I was too focused on me, and my "fun."
We can do this! And congratulations on another child. I have three, and it is awesome.
I'm so glad you are back and so willing. You can do this!
ReplyDeleteAlways loved your blog!
XO
I loved the post and then I got to all the comments and was equally as touched. You are in my loving thoughts for another successful day of sobriety. We do recover. We really, truly do.
ReplyDeleteI have read your entire blog over the past few days and was so excited to see your last post here. I have been trying so hard myself to go to AA I just can't and I know I can't stop. I'm really looking forward to seeing your experiences with it. Some of your posts feel like they were stolen from my brain- I know exactly what you are going through. I wish I could give you advice but all I can say is good luck--
ReplyDeleteaaaahhhhhh......I'm soooo happy for you. I know, it seem pretty hopeless. That's good! NOW your journey to staying sober one day at a time will take off. I had to be completely out of ideas and completely convinced I couldn't stop on my own for AA to work. I fought it for quite awhile! But now, at 17 mos sober, thanks to AA I am happier than I have ever been in my entire 41 years on this lil' planet. Welcome home.....
ReplyDeleteIt is so refreshing to find you! While I truly need all the bloggers on here (like Mrs D) who have somehow stayed sober for a long time, I also need to find others who fall down and get back up (and then write about it). Would LOVE to hear about AA because I think I will hate it and I need a kick in the butt to make me go. THANK YOU for writing!!!!
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed your honesty. And to everyone who has commented and is wo?rried about AA - just try it - it's not for everyone - it doesn't seem to be for me - but I would never knock it. I think at this point I'm not only addicted to alcohol I'm addicted to being addicted. On some sick level I'm enjoying screwing my entire life up. Does anyone else feel that way
ReplyDelete