At the counter of a second hand clothing store and the too-skinny, (bony-skinny-like-a-drug-addict) girl with a baby on her hip says "...and I can't drive, and my boyfriend doesn't have a license, so we were just thinking..."
And she looks at the volunteer staff, two grey haired ladies with floral aprons, biting their lips and looking at each other like they'd heard versions of this story a thousand times before.
"Um, we don't drive either," One of the ladies finally says, "So we can't really help you" and shrugs her shoulders.
The skinny girl, almost as though she expected to be turned down, shrugs too, "Thanks anyway" she says without looking back, out onto the street.
I raised my eyebrows in that smug middle class way that only us smug mortgaged middle class middle manager types can do, and snorted a smile,
"Just after a Pirate shirt if there is such a thing?' I said, making it obvious I was not in the store for real, just as a lark, as an expedition into the secondhand world. Doing the quotation marks with index and middle fingers in the air when I said pirate, like it was all terribly au fait and de rigeur and all that mock well to do bullshit.
It is no secret round here that but for some exceptional good luck and sheer hard work I could quite easily have been 'the boyfriend waiting outside' and my secondhand life could be just plain bald faced reality.
It is such a load of bullshit that I can contrive to be 'normal' and expect to be treated differently from those so obviously still in the midst of addictions.
Is this why I can't go to AA meetings yet - becuse I have this Hollywood style concept where the room is full of either down and outs or failed salesmen types, or hookers?
It is such a convenient ruse to hide behind the dignity and respect of having some sort of status and clinging to it when in situations like that.
But deep down I have a curious sympathy for the pathetic addict, and how, in the throes of addiction, it really is possible to just drink shit alcohol sitting in the rain at a bus stop.
And feel as though the present was somehow bearable, because I was drunk.
In Depression, all that is happening in the present is the anticipation of pain in the future,
and the present as the present no longer exists at all
And she looks at the volunteer staff, two grey haired ladies with floral aprons, biting their lips and looking at each other like they'd heard versions of this story a thousand times before.
"Um, we don't drive either," One of the ladies finally says, "So we can't really help you" and shrugs her shoulders.
The skinny girl, almost as though she expected to be turned down, shrugs too, "Thanks anyway" she says without looking back, out onto the street.
I raised my eyebrows in that smug middle class way that only us smug mortgaged middle class middle manager types can do, and snorted a smile,
"Just after a Pirate shirt if there is such a thing?' I said, making it obvious I was not in the store for real, just as a lark, as an expedition into the secondhand world. Doing the quotation marks with index and middle fingers in the air when I said pirate, like it was all terribly au fait and de rigeur and all that mock well to do bullshit.
_--**8**--_
It is no secret round here that but for some exceptional good luck and sheer hard work I could quite easily have been 'the boyfriend waiting outside' and my secondhand life could be just plain bald faced reality.
It is such a load of bullshit that I can contrive to be 'normal' and expect to be treated differently from those so obviously still in the midst of addictions.
Is this why I can't go to AA meetings yet - becuse I have this Hollywood style concept where the room is full of either down and outs or failed salesmen types, or hookers?
It is such a convenient ruse to hide behind the dignity and respect of having some sort of status and clinging to it when in situations like that.
But deep down I have a curious sympathy for the pathetic addict, and how, in the throes of addiction, it really is possible to just drink shit alcohol sitting in the rain at a bus stop.
And feel as though the present was somehow bearable, because I was drunk.
In Depression, all that is happening in the present is the anticipation of pain in the future,
and the present as the present no longer exists at all
Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon.
I love your comparison! God what phonies we can be...thanks for the giggle, pirate boy!
ReplyDeleteThe pirate shirt is for a fancy dress party - you know frills and long sleeves and open chest?
ReplyDeleteWe have one of those shirts.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have a mother who hides behind her dignity and status. It's only me that knows she sleeps in her own shit as a result of 3 litres of cask red wine a night.
Sad. So sad.
My AA home group meeting has more attorneys, doctors, pharmacists, restauranteurs, and business men in it then it does anyone else. But even they have the exact same disease as the prostitutes and drug dealers and for one hour we can all relate. You should give it try.
ReplyDeleteQuote: "And feel as though the present was somehow bearable, because I was drunk."
ReplyDeleteSo true... and the present is so much easier to function in sober.
The two meetings I have attended have been full of professionals. It is a relief to walk in and see the kind faces of acceptance and recognition. I wrote a post for crying out now called Judgement Games which is very much like this one. It could be me, just one more unlucky gene and it could very well be me.
ReplyDeleteI am probably being a bit harsh on the AA - of course it will be peopled by those who are actively changing - not by those who are content to live on in shit circumstances.
ReplyDeleteI didn't mean to paint AA in a bad light...
NCPLH course is required for those who deal with selling alcohol or alcohol retailing like bars, restaurants, pubs, alcohol shops, and supermarkets. This course is designed for those alcohol sellers to become a personal license holder. This course covers topics like the Licensing Act of 2003, how to properly sell and supply alcohol, legal responsibilities and underage access and protection of children from harm.
ReplyDelete