Day 98 - Working so Unable to Drink

Since last Post - Finished up last night watching final of the French Open Tennis and managed to make it to bed. Woke up with a half drunken beer on the bedside table, so I drank it when no one was looking. Half a bottle of tepid, flat beer on a Sunday morning. As good as it gets.

Day 98 - Outing with Family then work until 11pm.
Had a thumping headache this morning - drank the beer and had a couple of paracetamol to take the edge off. Then took the wife and kids out to walk along an old railway line - it has been restored so it is a lovely cycleway with tunnels and curving through the rainforest. Just had to put my head down and walk through the early haze and after a few hundred metres was feeling a bit better.

Then, had a moment of devastating clarity on my way to work this afternoon. Felt that grungy, alone, depressed feeling and played some sombre Radiohead to fill the void.
When I'm extra tired, half hungover and forced to do something I don't like, I get this way, and ruminate over past wrongs and historic injustices. Its all very indulgent and pathetic and its gets me feeling angry, sullen and not grateful. It is so easy to reach for another drink and stamp out this feeling - but not when I have to go to work. So I have to just face it alone and handle. It is the lowest feeling of the week.

This blog is really a cause to reflect for me and realise just how absorbing all the drinking is in my life. And how I have to grow up and let it go. Its all been about "You don't have to totally give up alcohol" because it would make everyone else awkward I think, if they thought "Oh no, we can't invite him, he doesn't drink"