Alcohol Self Help
No matter how long you have been sober, people will still shit you about it. It’s just part of the journey when you make the switch from “he’ll be up for a drink anytime” to “oh, that’s right, he doesn’t drink anymore” - and it takes time for people to get used to it.
Just like I used to ask them to tolerate my obnoxious and shameful behavior when I was drinking, I have to extend to them a certain tolerance and understanding when it comes to their forgetting I don’t drink anymore.
I don’t apologize for it any longer
I’ve stopped saying “I’m sorry, I don’t actually drink - maybe a ginger beer or something if you have it?” and then when they follow up with “Um, no ginger beer, but we do have some room temperature tap water - how’s that?” I just politely nod and smile and wave them to bring it on. I love room temperature. It’s like, you know, the room temperature - yumm.
I don’t cover up other people’s awkwardness about it
So when they say “come around for a few drinks” and I just sit there and watch as the husband unwinds and kick starts his coping mechanism of drinking 16 beers over five hours. And I’m supposed to actively engage and keep talking about his dream of starting his own cafe or launching his own line of bbq sauces as he guzzles beer.
Me just sitting there, listening to him throw ideas for logos and potential retail sites and knowing this is all just piss talk like we have done so many other times. What happened to the organic salt business - or the Asian Fusion dumpling house or the 4 hour workweek coffee cart or the other 99 designs you have brainstormed over 16 beers on a weekend?
Umm, Nothing, that’s what. But it all sounds terribly grown up and sophisticated to talk fantasy business whilst you get drunk. I’m not covering up your awkwardness over this anymore. It’s your fantasy - go live it or shut up. Just don’t talk about it when you are drunk all the time. Whatever.
I can do fitness shit now I don’t drink all the time
Not being hungover everyday has its benefits - and one big one is that I have energy to do things - like yoga and running. So I actually set the alarm, and get up out of bed at 5AM and go to a 75 min yoga class, or in the afternoon I run 9km along the beach.
BUT - it still hurts just as fucking much as if I never drank!
Yoga has that deep, vibrant, warm pain - and you have to get out of a warm bed in the middle of winter before dawn to do it - and that has NOTHING to do with not drinking or being sober. But I love how you make out it is sort of automatic and natural and something I have to do because I am in alcohol addiction recovery. Nope. It hurts, it sucks getting up early and I still do it.
Same with running - anyone who tells you running isn’t painful for the first couple of miles is lying. And it has nothing to do with being sober either - so don’t make out it is easier because I am a recovering alcoholic.
Just because I am not hungover and I have the energy and motivation to exercise doesn’t magically make it any easier. So there.
Ok, have a wonderful week, enjoy yourself and stay sober - and cherish that crisp clarity you have right now. Even if you don’t fully appreciate it, these are the best days of your life right here and now, so go and do something amazing and beautiful and make your world a better place!
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No matter how long you have been sober, people will still shit you about it. It’s just part of the journey when you make the switch from “he’ll be up for a drink anytime” to “oh, that’s right, he doesn’t drink anymore” - and it takes time for people to get used to it.
Just like I used to ask them to tolerate my obnoxious and shameful behavior when I was drinking, I have to extend to them a certain tolerance and understanding when it comes to their forgetting I don’t drink anymore.
I don’t apologize for it any longer
I’ve stopped saying “I’m sorry, I don’t actually drink - maybe a ginger beer or something if you have it?” and then when they follow up with “Um, no ginger beer, but we do have some room temperature tap water - how’s that?” I just politely nod and smile and wave them to bring it on. I love room temperature. It’s like, you know, the room temperature - yumm.
I don’t cover up other people’s awkwardness about it
So when they say “come around for a few drinks” and I just sit there and watch as the husband unwinds and kick starts his coping mechanism of drinking 16 beers over five hours. And I’m supposed to actively engage and keep talking about his dream of starting his own cafe or launching his own line of bbq sauces as he guzzles beer.
Me just sitting there, listening to him throw ideas for logos and potential retail sites and knowing this is all just piss talk like we have done so many other times. What happened to the organic salt business - or the Asian Fusion dumpling house or the 4 hour workweek coffee cart or the other 99 designs you have brainstormed over 16 beers on a weekend?
Umm, Nothing, that’s what. But it all sounds terribly grown up and sophisticated to talk fantasy business whilst you get drunk. I’m not covering up your awkwardness over this anymore. It’s your fantasy - go live it or shut up. Just don’t talk about it when you are drunk all the time. Whatever.
I can do fitness shit now I don’t drink all the time
Not being hungover everyday has its benefits - and one big one is that I have energy to do things - like yoga and running. So I actually set the alarm, and get up out of bed at 5AM and go to a 75 min yoga class, or in the afternoon I run 9km along the beach.
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BUT - it still hurts just as fucking much as if I never drank!
Yoga has that deep, vibrant, warm pain - and you have to get out of a warm bed in the middle of winter before dawn to do it - and that has NOTHING to do with not drinking or being sober. But I love how you make out it is sort of automatic and natural and something I have to do because I am in alcohol addiction recovery. Nope. It hurts, it sucks getting up early and I still do it.
Oh, by the way, I'm new on Facebook and it looks really sad right now - can you pop over and like me here.
Same with running - anyone who tells you running isn’t painful for the first couple of miles is lying. And it has nothing to do with being sober either - so don’t make out it is easier because I am a recovering alcoholic.
Just because I am not hungover and I have the energy and motivation to exercise doesn’t magically make it any easier. So there.
Ok, have a wonderful week, enjoy yourself and stay sober - and cherish that crisp clarity you have right now. Even if you don’t fully appreciate it, these are the best days of your life right here and now, so go and do something amazing and beautiful and make your world a better place!
I still would never get up at 5 am for ANYTHING!
ReplyDeleteI do yoga at 12 noon!
xo
Wendy
Doing yoga in the daylight means you accidentally lock eyes with each other - I like it when it is dark enough not to be able to really see anyone else....
ReplyDeleteI admire your yoga practice.
ReplyDeleteMy husband exercises int he morning, so my time is after work.
I have played around with a home practice, but I still love a class.
Perhaps when the kids are a bit older I will reconsider. Starting the day with yoga would be beautiful. If chilly and hard.
Hi Anne,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thought - my wife and I have regular relationship meetings where we juggle our exercise schedule and it just so happens that for August I get Mon, Tues, Wed, Fri Sat mornings to do yoga - so I really jump at the chance to do it. Next month the schedule won't be so morning focused on me I bet. But yeah, they don't hand out little gold stars for going to yoga through the winter, even thought I have suggested it ;)
thanks
bren
Thank you for this.. I'm writing a blog post on my own experience with alcohol and your excerpt seems to fit into my theme!!
ReplyDelete