How I Lost 30lbs

I know too much about serial killers.  Mass murderers - spree killers, couple killers, child killers - predators and pretty much you name it - I've studied them.  Read the book - read every single book there is on True Crime and watched every blinking documentary on the Crime Channel.

My Morning Pages June 12, 2015.

It was my thing, for over a decade - collecting and reading about true crime and all the grisly voyeuristic details of each mutilation.  Imagined each panting breath as shallow graves were dug just off isolated roads.  Or the look of resigned fear in the victim's eyes as the murderer went about his work. 

Very fucked up, really.  I mean - what was I thinking?  Filling my head with all this poisonous, toxic shit from the most bent and twisted individuals - flicking through a few pages and then falling asleep - or twitching through the pages as I rode the train.  Creepy really.  What was I studying it for?  Was I planning on doing something similar?  Is that what I had in mind?  If not, then why learn it - why put myself into that dark place where murder and torture is revealed in detail?  It had to stop.

So, as part of my recovery, I read about de-cluttering.  The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing .  How cleansing and emptying makes room for new things to enter and hastens the departure of the old shit.  (Brilliant book and will have you looking at the objects you have attached too much feeling to in a different way.  But I digress..)

The Life Changing
Magic of Tidying Up

So I put all my books into an old milk crate - seven milk crates to be exact - and then into my black van (ahem - yes it is a serial killer type of van - but I'm getting rid of that too, more on that later...) and drove with a full load of clutter and just life-junk and threw it into skip bins at the waste recycling centre.  I didn't even think to resell them - or even give the books to a book shop - they were cursed, negative, toxic books and they should be turned into compost - not re-read and re-infecting someone else with all that negativity.

Next, I turned my reading focus and energy to something new.  Helping me grow away from the nasty old alcoholic I had become - and instead blossom into the kind of person I only dreamed about.

One of the best books I read, and I have read it three times just this year, like I am trying to absorb each word and thought from it - is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.  It is written for people coming out of "artistic recovery" - so you can see how it is just a small step to adjust it for alcoholic recovery. 

Julia Cameron encourages you through week by week steps to grow and develop you artistic inner child - as if it is recovering from years of being stifled by boring shit - like a soul-crushing mortgage, or a meaningless busy-work career, or maybe tending to a faded relationship.


OK, a fundamental part of the healing process in The Artist's Way is writing, by hand, each morning a stream of consciousness journal.  Julia Cameron calls them Morning Pages.

The Artists Way

I have been writing my Morning Pages since January 4 2015, and I've filled two and am onto my third little 96 page exercise book - like you used to use in grade school - filled with my flowery, unedited scribblings. 

I write stream of consciousness as suggested - and it lets me delve into a "writing meditation" each morning.  AND it simply works!

So, there's your daily challenge - get yourself a 96 page exercise book, (for about 79c) and start your own morning pages practice - and make it a rock solid part of your everyday routine.

As a sharing gesture on my 41st Birthday (yes, today is my 41st birthday!) and as a humble acceptance of the changes I have brought into my life these past few years I am sharing my morning pages from this birthday morning.    I hope this isn't too indulgent - but anyway - here it is.  I actually wrote about what I do in my typical normal day. 

12/6
Now well I'm into the six month of the morning pages, running 4x a week, yoga 4/5 times a week weight at 90kg - 14kg less than this time last year.  Is a great satisfied feeling - although it's not nearly achieved anything at all yet.  This is the pre-plan stage - like I am getting ready for my real non alcohol life to come.

There are some things I can reflect on at 41 years old - toxic people - move quietly away from them.  Late nights - nothing good happens after 8pm. Be in bed, reading by 8pm.  Strict night discipline means you can have an easier morning routine - waking at 5am and being out of bed with no delay or snooze button. It's the best feeling writing 500 words hand written for 3 pages in an old school text book - every morning.  Boil water, add peppermint tea, drink and write stream of thought to de-clutter, expurge and plan and organize the day.

Next off to 90 min yoga class - flow aerobic cardio yoga where you move actively through yang poses.  Builds humility core strength and discipline.  NOTHING compares to time spent on the yoga mat.  It is breathing meditation and aligns the mind with all the quirks, stiffness and little aches in your body.  Inviting blood to flow to every niche and crevice in your body at dawn - purifying and invigorating - 4 times a week for 18 months or 80 weeks

Working from home zero commute time - zero traffic chaos - work in 60 min blocks with a timer.  Stick to a daily planner - do specific tasks in order.  Only check email at 9am and 3pm others can wait.

Drink water from 1.5litre bottles - 1 before 9am, 2nd before 11am, 3rd before 3pm, 4th after afternoon run in pm - 6 litres a day there is a fair bit of peeing but I can get dehydrated easily doing yoga and running and dehydrate equals headache, cramps in calf muscles, overall stickyness, soreness.

Eat - raw smoothies - berries banana, broccoli and protein powder with tumeric, fresh cut ginger and rice milk with ice - blend and drink.  Blitz.  Eat after yoga - eat another one after 11am.

Eat - nothing packaged or processed - no chips - no chocolate no bread EVER - except 1 breadroll on weekend at fundraising thing.  Bread just turns into glue /dough in your gut.

2pm - Run for an hour - 8km/5miles - I run down to the beach and then along the beach path to Nobby's Breakwall on the harbour.  It is hilly and and a tourist trail - at 2pm no one is about - no lines, no waiting, no one to trip over.

Whilst running, repeat mantra - "Focus, Flexibility, Discipline" on breath or footfall.  Keep returning to this if your mind wanders to something else - negative thoughts, ruminating on past errors.  Things like that.  Also, repeat Intentions as mantra - "creativity, kindness, love, beauty, expansion, abundance, reciprocity"  Always return to a mantra when your mind wanders.

After run - stretch squat - drink another 1.5l water.  Dinner - whatever the family is having - desert - less and less - drink more water or have a bowl of cereal.

Go to bed 730-8pm - read kindle, inspiration and personal development.  Rinse, repeat, good night.

Oh, and the bit about losing 30lbs or 14kg? 

Yeah, well since January, I have shed that amount of my old alcoholic self!

I feel good and as though I am making some real progress.  For me, it was just this Wednesday when my yoga teacher said I was the 6am class fixture - since the studio opened I had been there week in week out four days a week at 6am. 

Even when it was bloody fucking freezing...