Reward Drinking

 ANY FRIDAY; ANY GIN PALACE; ANYTOWN.

Celebrating "Nothing in particular, just that it was Friday, I suppose," you find yourself at the same old place with the same old faces, talking about the same old stuff.

Friday evening - Anytown could be anywhere in the world, and it's populated with anyone who has let reward drinking into her life.  Just like reward eating - reward drinking is an ancient custom, from our hunter gatherer days when we ate or drank to excess to mark a significant milestone or life event.

But we couldn't search forever - we had work to do.
Bethany's thumb would make someone, somewhere in the city,
a cannibal that night.

Unsurprisingly, fast forward to 2015, and reward eating and reward drinking are still in our lives - just that there's unlimited food and drink.  Every.  Single.  Day.  Oops.

It's not like we stumble across a woolly mammoth or we're genuinely relieved to survive a freezing winter - but we still have big eating and big drinking as things to do when we get together for events.

So choosing to over-indulge - as a way of signposting an event or a celebration is a cultural habit - and as an alcoholic, it's just not helpful.

Reward Drinking

I practiced reward drinking as a way of life - it was a certain way to build my fondness into a raging dependence - and if I was drinking more, it simply meant I was obviously getting more successful!  So any goals I kicked at work or in business inevitably led along a winding, then staggering path to me literally speechless and fall down drunk.  Yay!  I made it!

 

Reward Eating

In the same way, it was a family custom for everyone to gather and eat from mountains of food and have seconds and extra helpings for hours - as though we had finally managed to cobble together enough food to be able to celebrate! 
Which was fine when my family were a bunch of shoeless serfs in the middle ages - a feast or three would be something to really look forward to as you declined into old age at 36.  But again, in 2015, eating vast bowls of steaming pelmeni or thick steaks that overhang the plate - it's just not really necessary.

 

Be MORE than you Feel

In Reinventing Yourself: How To Become The Person You've Always Wanted To Be  - Steve Chandler writes about banging your knee on the car door as you exit your vehicle. (I know, using the big life metaphors here, Steve) It hurts, you're frustrated and you may even want to lash out - but at what? - at who? - a car door?



Chandler encourages you to see emotional pain the same way as temporary physical pain - as a passing sensation that does not define who you are.   Just because you are feeling all the pride, honour and satisfaction of seeing your child pass her karate grading does not transfer into a trigger for a feast or overeating and over-drinking.  Or even a reward eating episode of KFC.  It is a moment to be savoured - that's obvious - but we have to break bundling excess food or excess drinking with emotional highs (and lows).

Steve Chandler writes,

"When you bang your knee and it hurts, you do not immediately identify with your your knee.  You don't walk into the house and announce, "I am a sore knee!" You don't allow every cell in your body to take on the identity, as you do with your emotional pain."

"If you feel angry, notice it and don't deny it, but don't identify with it.  Don't let it win you over.  Don't confuse it with who you really are, because it's not who you really are."

Emotional Mastery

It's getting closer to emotional mastery - where we are able to live, feel and experience life in all it's beauty and pace - but still not be lost in the moment.  We have to be mindful of saying "I am angry!" when in fact we feel angry - we are not angry itself. 
The life skill is keeping our present awareness and actually choosing what to feel and how far we are going to let that emotion influence our behavior.  It becomes a choice and a decision.  Not who we are, or something that is fixed.  It is fluid and ours to decide.

Reward Drinking

I still get drawn to events and occasions and moments during the week where it would be almost plausible to open a bottle and drink.  Like running a half marathon (22 days to go!!), or climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge (three days to go!!), or getting my book launched (just days to go!!), or seeing my daughters endlessly cartwheeling along the beach. 

Life's like that - it has really profound moments that suck you up and you can lose yourself in the whirlwind of emotion and power and  - for alcoholics like me - find yourself looking left and right and licking your lips, thinking "this might be time for a drink" - before you loosen your shoulders, breathe slowly and deeply, stand a little taller and remind yourself that that was the "old you."

Reward drinking and reward eating are examples of making feelings and emotions into things - and then letting those things get you drunk, or get you fat.  There are other rewards out there - grasshopper - and it's your challenge to go and find them....

 For a 99c copy of my new book, enter your best email...

* indicates required

Email Address *