Good Luck Academy

In high care situations, not long after breakfast, the patients sit numbly next to sunny windows like freshly-pressed zombies and the attendant uses the vacuum cleaner. The matte whistle of the vacuum doesn’t arouse any interest – except when the vacuum broom head goes near a person’s feet and she might lift her heels off the floor so he can vacuum under her. Other times there is no effort to move and that two foot space of linoleum goes un-vacuumed. But it doesn’t really matter – sure enough it will be done next shift.

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We had to sign in and show our FREE tickets at a little table where a fat tech guy and a slim sales chick smiled as we surrendered our email address and agreed to turn off our mobile phones. Then we were ushered along a corridor and some heavy fire doors opened for us and we were absorbed amoeba-like into a cavernous arena filled with blackness and what seemed like hundreds of backs of heads making that murmur audiences make.

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In high care situations, the patient’s diagnosis takes on a life of its’ own, to be documented and discussed and decided on, whilst the patient herself sits there, in the same room, being talked about. She has little input beyond her physical presence, and after a cursory glance the next phase of the treatment is approved and another regimen of drugs or whatever is followed. She shuffles out of the room and obligingly seats herself in the area that has already been vacuumed, more by accident than anything else.

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First was a homely, domesticated looking guy with a goatee, balding and tucked in polo shirt and jeans. He suggested we pay attention and listen carefully to the presentation and that he had been exactly like us, sitting out there in the audience like hundreds of others. Except he had given himself the chance to engage with the presenters and that now he worked for them. And his wife, three children and he now travelled the world on the presentation circuit, making a fortune.
“But today’s not about my story, wait until you hear what Paul has to say about the program and our offer and see what it can do for you – here he is, Paul...

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