There's a certain kind of calm that comes with the first few weeks of sobriety. Like the heat has been taken out of my blood, like the fire his been quenched a little, like the fight is less intense. Feeling calmer and balanced and efficient - not so much focused solely on getting drunk and recovering before getting drunk again.
It's made a lot more easy with the default setting of antabuse. The drug works by turning any alcohol in my system or even on my skin into acetylene and formaldehyde, - like nail polish remover or paint thinners - which would force me to feel nausea and vomit and all the rest. So dissolving a tablet each morning as I rise and drinking that first glass of water is literally "a day at a time".
So I am sober, and thinking things through, but I'm also aware of how I am whistling in the dark. Walking blindly along feeling as though I will not drink today because I have had my antabuse, but at the same time incredibly humble and aware that I am not going this thing alone.
*
Today was 38C and we were sticky and walking in shadows and leaning to catch the breeze.
Just now, the thunder rumbles and the girls have curled in my bed and we watch the blinking sky as the thunderstorm rolls in.
And it's a full moon.
Sending love to you my friend xxx
ReplyDelete:o)
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time is all we have huh.
One minute at a time, in my opinion. Sometimes a day was entirely too much for me. I am pulling for you.
ReplyDeleteI just left a comment on your ten week sober post. It was the first writing of yours I had ever read. Found your blog and that post when I Googled up "ten weeks sober". After reading about your ten week mile stone I felt encouraged. Encouraged because I am coming up on my ten week sober date and your comments were spot on for how I feel things are going for me at this point. After reading this last post I see I am naive. I am beginning to realize it is a harder and longer race run moment by moment. Lord help me. Lord help us all. Thank you for writing. Thank you for helping me. I wish the very best for you. You are not alone. I learning I am not either.
ReplyDeleteWhile you whistled in the dark, you lit a candle for me 63 days ago. I wish you peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the sober time. I to find myself staying in this thing a day at a time. Sometimes a minute at a time...
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best in your fight.
ReplyDeleteThis is my first visit to this blog... Never heard of it before & I came here via a google search for something completely different but that first paragraph you wrote is a beautiful synopsis of my decade-long struggle. (or at least the short-lived "recovery moments")
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to give you an anonymous thanks before moving on.
Thanks for posing a comment on one of my blogs, www.AlcoholicBlogger.net - like your style, sounds like you are real green, "new" to a life of sobriety, don't beat yourself up about the slips, just keep one foot in front of the other. You will make it. Lots of love. Keep in touch. Thomas Gillis
ReplyDeletewww.about.me/htgillis
ps; would like to get to know you better.