Now we are at day five

Is getting better waking up each morning feeling fresh and alert and not tonguing for liquids.
Have been feeling a lot calmer and more patient which is also another sign of losing the heat and anger of alcohol from my system.

There is the major issue of finding something else to do with my time - as for example usually on a weekend I would be drinking around lunchtime at keep going until Sunday night. Now, with the whole long afternoon and evening stretching out in front of me, it is sort of overwhelming. But that's not to say it is not something I should embrace and enjoy - I mean after all it is not as if I have to dig holes or shovel shit - it is just that I have to stay sober and be with myself for that time.

Funny how being sober shows how unbearable I find myself - even for ME!! Like, I should be able to tolerate myself and just be normal but it is genuinely a new experience. I can only imagine how frustrating and infuriating I must be for others who have had to operate around me.

Anyway, I am trying not to over think this and be simple and straightforward - it is not an impossible task, it is just not drinking.

Read somewhere in regards to giving up cigarettes, if you look at it as a huge insurmountable personal issue, then it soon becomes that and you virtually set yourself up for relapse and failure. So, whilst being aware and definitely not complacent, I am just going to work on it myself daily.

I know my weak time is driving home; When I am tired, and my attitude can slip and I can fall into self-pity and just drop by the bottleshop and buy two bottles of wine, or three bottles of beer and some wine.

I can slip into an autonomous state where I just go through the motions of lining up, paying, driving home, and then quickly pouring myself three or huge goblets of "affordable" wine, and then, with a grimace on my face, slurping them down before I do anything.

Urgh! Can't believe I have done this for so long. It is a testament more to good luck and fortuitous management than hard work and dedication that I still have a business and a home and a few relationships left.

Anyway, more soon...