You know when things are getting strong when your eyes crinkle at the sides and you feel you could almost start crying?
I have had that feeling a few times lately - at the most inappropriate times I can be reflecting on where I am and where I am headed and it makes me want to cry.
Like how amazingly simple and clear life is when I am sober. Like how slippery and steep the slope is when I drink - or even start the spiral of "just having a drink."
Like seeing friends who are struggling with the credit card of drinking - the take it all upfront and having to repay a sorry lonely hangover debt the day after.
Like being able to wake up early and get things done - really tick off the list and see some meaningful progress by the days end.
Like being around for my children and being present and calm and taking the little steps to make our interactions worthy of their blossoming minds.
Like being free of the daily chore of buying booze, of hiding it, of pretending not to be too drunk, of making the impression on the phone that I am not drinking at lunchtime on Tuesday.
Like being fitter, happier and healthier and free to power through the afternoon - instead of craving sleep and rest so I can climb back on the rollercoaster.
What has made me want to cry has been how simple it really is for me.
And how I have been fooling myself most of all that drinking is a friend and treasure to worship. It isn't.
And even that makes me want to cry. That drinking is gone - forever. And I am getting known amongst my circles as a non drinker. Which is all part of who I am now.
Happy New Year, thanks for sharing my story, and take some time to reflect on your drinking or sobriety and most of all, be gentle on yourself.
I have had that feeling a few times lately - at the most inappropriate times I can be reflecting on where I am and where I am headed and it makes me want to cry.
Like how amazingly simple and clear life is when I am sober. Like how slippery and steep the slope is when I drink - or even start the spiral of "just having a drink."
Like seeing friends who are struggling with the credit card of drinking - the take it all upfront and having to repay a sorry lonely hangover debt the day after.
Like being able to wake up early and get things done - really tick off the list and see some meaningful progress by the days end.
Like being around for my children and being present and calm and taking the little steps to make our interactions worthy of their blossoming minds.
Like being free of the daily chore of buying booze, of hiding it, of pretending not to be too drunk, of making the impression on the phone that I am not drinking at lunchtime on Tuesday.
Like being fitter, happier and healthier and free to power through the afternoon - instead of craving sleep and rest so I can climb back on the rollercoaster.
What has made me want to cry has been how simple it really is for me.
And how I have been fooling myself most of all that drinking is a friend and treasure to worship. It isn't.
And even that makes me want to cry. That drinking is gone - forever. And I am getting known amongst my circles as a non drinker. Which is all part of who I am now.
Happy New Year, thanks for sharing my story, and take some time to reflect on your drinking or sobriety and most of all, be gentle on yourself.