Assertive isn't Bad

Growing up, I was told assertiveness was aggressive, arrogant and simply intolerable.

And over time, as I grew up and shied away from confrontation, I blossomed into an alcoholic.

Now I appreciate assertiveness is an essential part of who I am.  Of who we all are.

When I don't address an issue as it arises it leads me to drink.

A sullen, vengeful drink to 'get back' at the person or matter or whatever.

Now, I appreciate the best approach is assertiveness,

Respectful, confident and not submissively complying simply for the sake of complying.

This week, we have a trifling matter with a neighbor about a fence.

Assertive isn't bad.

But I am not apologising for respectful confident and results oriented mediation.

Oh. And at times I am screaming for a drink.  Or a way to just get blown away ad fuck it all.

But I love my daughters and wife and you so nothing happens.

Nothing except this blog writing.  Stick with me...





A Red Light, Lost Keys and a Little girl

I ran a red light going to buy alcohol the other morning.  8.15am.  $396 fine.

I lost the little sensor bit in my key and my van is now idle until the replacement is sent.  $389.

I found out my pregnant wife is carrying our third daughter.

Also, I have been so sick from drinking six bottles of wine every three days that I was curled in bed sweating, thinking that the world was about to end.

In the mail, a small package arrived.  (On this blog I get plenty of emails and spam from all over the place - months ago I replied to what I half guessed was spam to an offer for a free review copy of Undrunk - A Skeptics Guide to AA).  A book about being a recovering alcoholic. 

I took it as a sign, along with the other signs my life was crumbling.

So I reset my sobriety counter and now I am on day four.

This time, I am open to AA and even more humble that I cannot drink alcohol.  All my friends and family still think I have been sober even whilst I sneaked wine for the past eight months.

So, on the outside nothing has changed.

But on the inside I am open and humble to continue the journey and this time I will be sharing my growth with AA.

Close to Losing Your Mind...

It is such a brief release to drink and think no one knows. 

Begging and lying - all over again.



I am sort of doing it these days and it is slowly killing me.

Sort of is a pathetic understatement.

Back on the antabuse ASAP.

Now, we find out the sex of our thrid child - on Tuesday.  Here's hoping.